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[music name by goo goo dolls]
Touch and GoContributed by
s_w_a_y (Edited by )
Sunday, August 28, 2005 @ 12:00:34 AM
There truly comes a time in a person's life when you realize that life is indeed just touch and go. We try to look back at the things that happened in our past and reminisce the intricate web of relationships we've had with people. Then in the middle of daydreaming, we would stop and ask ourselves, "Where are they now?" It's funny when you think about it, that at one point in your life you have been really close with a person you always thought you knew very well inside out. The next thing you know, you don't even have the slightest clue on what's going on with that person anymore...or if they even think of you still. Funny... yes...funny but sad at the same time.
It's a fact that no man is an island. People are social beings and they need to interact with others in order to survive. I am a person;therefore I am a social being...and actually a very good one at that.
I used to be a social butterfly. I loved being with people. I loved making friends. And most of all, I love getting into different sorts of relationships, touching lives and being touched by them in the process. Yes, I was socially inclined...and I still am, but now just in a downgraded fashion. I suddenly found myself, turning down invitations to gimmicks or parties, whereas I used to be always game... the pasimuno (starter)...the hostess. I guess as time passes by, it seems to get harder and harder to involve yourself with just anybody, may it be a new acquaintance, a new friend, or a new love interest. I guess experience teaches you that. But some people just never learn.
Well... I learned my lesson.
I started learning at the tender age of five. While all the other kids my age don't even care about anything else but playtime, that young I was forced to grow up immaturely... learning the painful way that not all people are to be trusted. They may seem good to you and you may think they know better, but I realized that that doesn't really matter. Because when you know better, consequently, you know worse. And people can take advantage of the better to do the worse. With that known, I never trusted anybody but myself. So much so that when I interact with people, I always have my guard up, thinking at the back of my head that they always have a hidden agenda in mind.
True enough, I guess people always have had hidden agendas when dealing with others. Maybe they just don't realize it, or maybe they just do it subconsciously. And I admit I am like that too. But as I grew, I learned that not all these hidden agendas are bad. They can work to your benefit, and that usually happens both ways. That's how relationships should work, right? Sadly though, they almost always never work that way. And if that's not bad enough, they end up in a mess.
Yes, the end is always inevitable. That's also one thing I learned, and I'm pretty sure everyone knows this too. Yet we still continue to start new relationships that we know will have their finales, one way or another. It's one of those never-ending cycles of life that we have to learn how to deal with. Like I said, people are social beings. Relationships are essential to one's survival.
So how does one deal with the end of a relationship? It's quite simple actually. You just have to go on living your life like you've always had before you entered it. Anyway, you have survived all these years prior to it, right? It's just that simple! But in reality, it's always easier said than done.
Once I was in this relationship, which I knew could never be, thinking that if I knew what's going to happen, I'd already know what to do. So when the time for closure comes, it would be a lot easier to deal with because I am prepared. Well, it ended all right, as expected. But what I didn't expect was what happened in between, and the sadness that comes after it. Oh, and don’t forget the memories...those d*mn beautiful memories, so overwhelming, it haunted me every second of every day...for a while that is. After some time, I guess you could say I was back to normal. But for me, everything else became different then.
My friends seem to think that I always get myself into ungodly situations that most people in their right minds would actually tend to avoid. That is just so typical. But you see, I'm not your typical kind of person. But like all the others who have survived the end of a relationship, I too have moved on. Right now I am in this so-called relationship, which is yet again one of those kinds that most people would never really understand nor make sense of. But all I can say is I've never been happier.
They say time heals all wounds. I say that's nothing but hypocritical bull' that we just say to ourselves to create this illusion that we've moved on with our lives and that we're better off now than before. But if you think about it, when you remember old times, it brings back the pain and the sadness that you once had, especially for those people who like to cling to the past. Then comes the what-ifs and what-could've-beens, which makes you hope that you can bring back the past, or makes you wish that you shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. Ah yes. Regrets. Now that's adding salt to the wound. It is for this reason that people are afraid to enter a relationship again. For the most part, it is because it's something that they are always afraid to lose. I should know 'cause I was that kind of person... I was such a sentimental fool.
Time heals all wounds. I used to believe in that too. But as I continue learning, I finally believed otherwise. Time can only make you wiser...not to mention older (and I hated that fact). It's like the scab that protects the wound as it heals. But once scratched off, the wound bleeds again, and the cut grows even deeper. If anything, I believe it is love. Yes LOVE, not time, which heals all wounds. If you believe that you have the capacity to love again (and I'm not just speaking of romantic love), that's the only time you'll know you're completely healed. When you learn the value of true love, you will never be afraid to touch more lives and you can go on living amidst the scars that you've gotten from your past. When that happens, and you try to reminisce those intricate relationships you've had with people, you'd just find it all as funny...and that's all there is to it.
Life they say is touch and go. In life, we'll always be in and out of relationships with people...people who could be there for only some time... some of them might stray... but most of them will eventually go away. But remember this:
Only those people who truly love you who will always try to find ways to stay.
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