On Change

[ mood | | confuse ]

[ music | ready to rise by vaughan penn ]

"Sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."

-from Mouth of One Tree Hill

It's probably late for this but I'm still gonna make my list of resolutions this year. I gave my self a week to ponder on what aspect of my life is in need of serious reconstruction. I reckon they'll be plenty, since I've been living a really healthy lifestyle (insert sarcastic smile here).

Unless you take a look at yourself closely you'll never discover the person you've become. I learned in my Philosophy class that human beings set an "ideal vision" of himself and then direct his life towards achieving that. I used to imagine myself to be "this" and "that" (basically putting together the "ideal me" vision). Funny thing is I didn't exert any effort at all to achieve what I want.Unconsciously I turned out to be someone I don't recognize. The last time I check, I was just trying to make the most out of my mundane life. Now, I wonder why I arrived in a conclusion that in a way I am a stranger to my own. Weird huh? There are instances wherein I'm surprise by the way I react to others, especially my family. I became this dense/hotheaded/selfish person. It was never my intention to hurt people's feelings. Its just that when you're in a sour mood you tend to forget that the world doesn't revolve on you alone. You do or say things you don't really mean then regret it later. Other people exist and they are not required to bend just to please you. I appreciate those who are brave and honest enough to confront me about my attitude. They're usually the ones who care. Normally we have no idea how others perceive us. The last thing I want is to be misunderstood. If you happen to know me, please tell me who I am (harhar). I got lost and now I'm confused. Do you think I'm being too hard on myself? or maybe I'm exaggerating? Yeah well, think whatever you want. You're entitled to that anyway.

Looking back is such a disappointment, specially when you realized that you've wasted your time doing stuff that you shouldn't be doing. Technically, that will count as a mistake right? I consider myself an optimistic person so I view mistakes in a bright light. A chance to learn and grow. But sometimes there are habits that are so hard to do away with. Even if we get burn a hundred times, we never learn to let go. Like its much easier to hold on than to take the risk and face the dreading change.



No matter how excruciating it is. Sometimes in order to move forward, we have to go back. There are things in the past we've left behind that keeps us from moving forward. Guilt and regret are so far the toughest emotion to deal with. More than anger they poison our soul, blocking us from the freedom of growth and change. Acceptance will do the trick. If not to eliminate at least ease the burden. Life is built to be random. You'll never know what will be thrown your way. The only sane way to survive is to move on.

I truly believe that happiness is a choice. I'm maybe experiencing a difficult phase in my life but it is not enough reason to give up. The fact that I'm still young, possibilities of harder obstacles is certain. I am not raising the white flag 'til I ran out of reasons to live. Kudos to those who continue to fight their battle vigorously. The change you desire is just a wish away. Don't let other people dampen your spirit. As for me, I'm still hoping to repair the damage I made to myself. With the uncertainties I'm faced now, a lifestyle change won't come easy. But its never too late if you have the faith.

So here are some of the resolutions I made.

• save, save and save
• sleep early
• stop drinking
  
• take care of my health (this is a must)
• quit being a procrastinator (consistent in my list)
  
• value the purpose of cellphone (in other words mgreply!)
  
• laugh, love, learn and live
• be a better person